The blog I'm looking for hasn't been written yet.
For the past several months, I've been scouring the internet, getting on old favorites like Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Buzzfeed... I've read countless lists (which is inherently ironic, I know). The topics have ranged all over the place, but clearly the target audience is my peer group of "20-somethings" who in response to being cast aside by other age groups, has banded together in solidarity in the form of temporarily satisfying and mutely and temporarily inspirational lists. Since I've met Robin, the them has narrowed significantly. I've found myself clicking on "how do you know he's interested", "17 Signs You're in Love"... and all sorts of other vague, repetitive, and intriguing posts... trying to find something that resonates with me.
For a while, I started trying to find these same posts or lists on happiness. Not the typical, "How to find happiness", or "How to Be Happy Right Now with this list of tips"... but a reflection on someone's experience who is truly and purely happy as they are, right now, in the very current moment, without any guilt on the matter.
Good luck finding that, my friends. Apparently, I'm the only one on all of the internet that is pleased with my current situation, at least enough so to try to identify how I'm feeling might be explained by others. That seems to be either quite a boring topic... or something that few are interested in on the whole.
So I'm writing what I can't find. Because really, what I'm looking to read is someone who identifies with my situation, uses words to describe how I'm feeling, and who, by doing so, gives me permission to experience the joy that is ravaging my soul, often guiltless for doing so. Why can't I give that to myself?
So this is how I've been feeling:
For the past several months, I've been scouring the internet, getting on old favorites like Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Buzzfeed... I've read countless lists (which is inherently ironic, I know). The topics have ranged all over the place, but clearly the target audience is my peer group of "20-somethings" who in response to being cast aside by other age groups, has banded together in solidarity in the form of temporarily satisfying and mutely and temporarily inspirational lists. Since I've met Robin, the them has narrowed significantly. I've found myself clicking on "how do you know he's interested", "17 Signs You're in Love"... and all sorts of other vague, repetitive, and intriguing posts... trying to find something that resonates with me.
For a while, I started trying to find these same posts or lists on happiness. Not the typical, "How to find happiness", or "How to Be Happy Right Now with this list of tips"... but a reflection on someone's experience who is truly and purely happy as they are, right now, in the very current moment, without any guilt on the matter.
Good luck finding that, my friends. Apparently, I'm the only one on all of the internet that is pleased with my current situation, at least enough so to try to identify how I'm feeling might be explained by others. That seems to be either quite a boring topic... or something that few are interested in on the whole.
So I'm writing what I can't find. Because really, what I'm looking to read is someone who identifies with my situation, uses words to describe how I'm feeling, and who, by doing so, gives me permission to experience the joy that is ravaging my soul, often guiltless for doing so. Why can't I give that to myself?
So this is how I've been feeling:
- I am so grateful every day for everything I have been given in this life. You can argue that I've earned a lot of it - I work hard. I am a perfectionist. I am dedicated and strong. I believe in dreams and I work for them. A telling quote dedicated to me back in high school was: "Always aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars." (Clement). That being said, I have been given so much. I have an incredibly supportive family, amazing and inspirational friends, the job of a lifetime... In fact, I feel like I have a life of a lifetime. If that makes sense... and now I've met this amazing man.
- I am in love. During the week, in the middle of the rest of my
